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Posted by: Joe at September 20, 2006 03:00 PM (PjT1) Comments In his most recent "Best of the Year" essay, "The First Step" (2007), former Marine Lieutenant Col. Thomas R. Ruggles (now retired) gives his thoughts on the importance of having good relationships. "If having a boyfriend in the army you have a good relationship with a woman in the military, you are more likely to be able to go to your next assignment, and that's a big deal." I'd agree with him. For a long time, military men were not allowed to go off duty, even if the woman they loved was. Women were forced to marry the men they were assigned to, and there were no exceptions. When we finally got the law changed in 2005, women were given the right to leave the military for their spouses to work while the man was in the service, and the man would be able to stay for the rest of their marriage, without losing his military pension. The new law, and the law as it is today, makes this possible. That should make your life easier.

A couple other things I learned from Ruggles:

He's a self-help guy. "How can I improve myself? What makes me the person I am? I can't say how. I just know that something is wrong. I'm a mess." He's not shy about the fact that he's been in the military. He doesn't let anyone "judge him." He doesn't want the people in his life to think he's a "bad guy." - He says "I'm not prison pen pals georgia a hero or a martyr." He's just a guy who's a good guy, and has tried to do the best he can. - He says that military dating can be hard. He's always saying it is, and says it's because he is in a different part of the world, and he's "different" (i.e. doesn't know how to make friends with people who are a lot like himself). - He says he has been through "hell and back." - He's never been "nice to people" (his word). - He has a lot of "bad habits." - He doesn't trust people, but that's a different story. - His dating skills are limited. He says that he doesn't get as "handsy" with women as he used to, but he still "hangs out." His friends are "mean to people" and "mean to people's girlfriends," so he's "trying to figure out how to be a gentleman." - He's a "bad drunk." - He never went out of his way to try to talk to someone in a nice way. - He's been in a serious relationship for a while, and it was "really shitty." - He is not interested in a casual relationship or "hanging out." - He has had "a really bad breakup," but he hasn't broken up. He knows the difference between a "good breakup" and a "bad breakup." - He's never had a girlfriend "that wanted a relationship," and he doesn't "have any real relationship skills." - He's "kind of" married to the "first girl that I dated." - He's not interested in women who have children (but that's another topic). - He doesn't know how to get girls to "love him" like he "deserves." - His parents are not supportive. - He "wants to be happy." - He's not sure where he fits in as a "man." - His parents aren't really into him, but that's another subject. - His father has said he doesn't like women. - He isn't interested in getting into a relationship with a woman right now. - He's "interested in other women but have nothing to do with girls" (and they don't like him). - He isn't attracted to any specific kind of woman (he doesn't like big, beautiful, blonde, tall, or thin). - His mom and dad are a little weird and are "very strict" about "not having any sexual relations with each other" (he doesn't really understand why they're that strict). - His dad is very abusive to him. - His mom is "very strict about not being in any kind of relationship with him". - He doesn't go to any of the school activities that girls do at this time of year, and only attends church. - His girlfriend is a "mature" woman (that's the same thing he says). - She's very good looking (and they're not the only ones). - They do everything together and "we're always getting into it". - They're very strict with each other, and it's very difficult to have a relationship. - His father, brother and sister all say they don't want a relationship with him. - He is very religious (and he does not take this very seriously). - He goes to a very exclusive high school (and he doesn't like to go to parties), and he always asks someone else to take the bus. - He's been called the "boy who grew up with all the chatroom irani boys" and "the best friend you'll never have". - single chat online He was in the military (he served in Korea, but did not get to finish it because of a health emergency). - He says he's still very open-minded about women, but that he's pretty sure he won't be with anyone. - He's in the top 5% of his class at school. - His family doesn't want him to tattooed guys date anyone, but they still seem to be happy for him to american single girls date other girls. - He's got the greatest smile on his face (except for the face he gets when he's upset, but that's ok, I don't have to know how he gets upset to find out that he's the funniest guy on the planet).